Being seen

A long uncomfortable journey

I posted for the first time without much thinking. Sitting on a bench in Vondelpark, I opened Substack and started writing. The words flowed easily. They needed a way out. I was happy with what I wrote for once: it felt true, genuine, celebrating a very special moment for me. So I posted it and shared it on social media. And then this thought came to me: “I’ve never done that—what if people mock or judge me?”

The fear of being seen can prevent us from doing what actually matters to us and it is very challenging to overcome that feeling and put ourselves out there. At the beginning, it feels like a jump in the unknown, from a cliff into dark waters - pressing the button to publish very fast before even thinking about it and changing my mind. I find it insane how scared I am sometimes to share who I truly am and what I truly like just out of fear of being judged, disliked or rejected.

But I want to do it. I want to be out there. I want to be true and authentic. Because I believe that this is the only way I can truly connect with people. And nothing can match the feeling of finding your soulmate among the crowd: that one person who totally gets you and understands every word, every feeling. It can be a friend, a partner, a stranger with whom you’ll share this unique moment for a few seconds through a smile or a word exchanged. They just validate your existence, your right to be right here, right now.

I always thought I was being myself until I asked the question and realized I didn’t have an answer. I didn’t always knew why I was doing the things I was or why I liked the things I did. And I don’t say we always need to know but it definitely helps knowing we’re where we should be with who we should be. It also helps in so many other ways: setting the right boundaries in relationships for example. If I don’t know what I value, what are my priorities in life and what is secondary? Then how can I choose what job to do or where to live and with whom? I might just wake up one day in the wrong place with the wrong job and the wrong partner after much time have passed and little time left to change it (even if it is never to late to do so).

Knowing myself a little better was necessary for me to show up authentically in my relationships and in my life in general. But even when I had a stronger sense of self, it was very much challenging to do so. I didn’t know how. I felt completely lost when trying to explain who I was to others.

It is during my yoga teacher training that I finally got it. In preparation for our final exam, our teachers asked us to remember what brought us to yoga and why we decided to do this training. I decided to incorporate these answers in my teaching on the day of the evaluation. And I had a very emotional moment when opening the sequence: it may have sounded like nothing but it was actually the first time I was saying these things to a room full of people. I opened up about my anxiety and how yoga brought me back into my body when my thoughts were running wild in my head. It felt frightening. I was shaking and sweating - the stress of the exam was probably not helping. I said those words the way I wanted to say them and it felt A-MA-ZING. Dots connected and this training will remain a life-changing experience for me.

After this experience, authenticity became my superpower. I couldn’t stop there. I opened up and I saw my friendships changing. I had genuine connections with the people around me and suddenly, I felt less lonely and the world became way more colorful, more meaningful too.

Showing up authentically is still challenging and often uncomfortable, especially as I write this now. I’m questioning whether starting this newsletter was a good idea and if I have anything interesting to say. But I’m doing it because I love writing, and this is what I want to write about: my journey. It may not be anything extraordinary—it’s the journey we all share as human beings, trying to lead meaningful lives among billions of others who seem to have it all figured out, though in reality, they don’t. Still, I hope my story might inspire you to reflect on your own and help you feel a little less alone on your journey. That, at least, is my wish.

Being seen is the most beautiful experience I’ve had, and I find myself chasing that feeling again and again. How lucky we are to have people in our lives who make us feel truly seen—they bring a bit of magic into our lives. And you do the same when you show up authentically. So thank you for putting yourself out there!